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Explained | The Manly Things

Category Archives: Explained

BUYING CONDOMS

Do you get a sense of pride when you buy condoms at the drugstore?

It’s no secret that every manly man wants sex, but one of the greatest mysteries to us is how to get it. As I’ve mentioned before sex is on a man’s mind 24/7, an hour in the day doesn’t go by without a thought about sex, it’s one of that biggest things that separates us from women.

The main reason why buying condoms is so manly is that it’s basically saying I’ve cracked the code, I’ve put in the time and now I’m getting laid. The best way I can put it is a box of condoms is like a man’s trophy for sex, we went through the qualifying rounds, we got passed the semi-finals, we owned the championship game and for that we came away with the prize! And it’s one of the best prizes around!

I think if it were socially acceptable every man would have an empty box of condoms next to his trophies and pictures of big fish he caught. Everyone… I mean every “man” that saw it would be jealous, just like you have a story for every trophy you ever got, it’s pretty clear that you have an even better story for every box of condoms you’ve bought. You would say things like “I remember that box of condoms, we must of woke up the whole neighborhood that night” and “Oh man that box was gone in one day!”. I know it may be a little far fetched and it may not be the best thing for women to see but one day it will happen and we will be proud!

LEAVING THE TOILET SEAT UP

Every man has heard it before, your girlfriend or wife comes out of the bathroom and demands you to “put the toilet seat down after you pee!” and no matter how many times she says it to you, you still end up hearing it time and time again. It’s just one of those things that a man has to deal with and there’s really no way around it. Just imagine a different kind of scenario, one where the man comes out of the washroom and says to his girlfriend “I’ve told you a thousand times, put the toilet seat up when you’re done!”. There’s a pretty good reason why these lines have never come out of a man’s mouth and the answer pretty much comes down to one thing and one thing only… SEX!

It’s really quite remarkable how women can go years without even the slightest thought of sex, they can go about their everyday lives feeling great, but men on the other hand are quite the opposite. Every waking hour of a man’s life there’s at least one thought about sex, to us life pretty much revolves around it. Most of what we do is just to get sex, we go to places to meet women, take them out to dinner, buy them nice things, meet their parents, go to boring museums and art galleries, trim our pubic hair, shower more often than we would like to and even try to remember to put the toilet seat down, all for of sex.

 

USING BEER AS CHASE

Have you ever used alcohol as a chaser to stronger alcohol?

It’s no mystery that one of the most manly drinks out there is beer, there’s nothing like coming home after a long day of work and grabbing an ice cold beer from the fridge. Sometimes it’s the one thing that keeps us from going insane during the coarse of a day. Just knowing that you have a 6 pack waiting for you when you get home is better than any .

There’s one scenario that every true manly man has come across in their lifetime. You’re at a party and someone decides to do shots, they pour it out and hand one to everyone in the vicinity, then they cheers to something worthy of our manly affection and shoot it down the hatch. Instead of looking around the house or asking someone for chase like a little girl you simply use the first thing that comes to mind and usually the first thing within arms reach… a beer!

It’s safe to say that only a manly mind could have come up with something like this. The point of using chase is to not be able to taste the alcohol as it slides down your throat, but instead we just end up using a less potent alcohol to chase the stronger alcohol. This benefits us in two ways 1) it tones down the burn of the liquor and 2) we end up getting more alcohol into our system at the same time…That’s Manly!

 

ARM WRESTLING

Every man has done it before, it’s the closest way to get that sense of manly pride, the kind that makes you feel tougher than anyone else, without having to actually fight someone. Arm wrestling surprisingly isn’t just for settling debates like who gets the last beer but there are competitions where the prizes can be over $100,000 for the winner. Just imagine the amount of manliness in that room, you must be able to see the testosterone in the air as you watch.

As men we always want to win no matter what kind of a contest it is, even when things aren’t a contest we’ll turn it into one just so we can be victorious. Two summers ago I went up to my friends cottage with a couple friends and I remember one guy would turn everything into a competition, we would would be eating dinner and he would say “I bet I can eat more than you”, then we would go canoeing and he would say “I bet I can canoe faster than you”. The whole weekend ended up being this one big competition and at one point we just started arm wrestling people to see who was stronger.

This is a prime example into the way a true manly man thinks, there’s no podium at the end of the weekend, there’s no hot chicks that are going to give him a gold medal and a bottle of champagne if he wins, he’s just doing this purely to say he was better than someone at something and in this case anything he could turn into a competition…That’s Manly!

WEARING THE SAME UNDERWEAR TWO DAYS IN A ROW

Every man has done it whether we like to admit it or not, it’s not something we’re proud of but at the same time it’s not something we’re afraid to admit. Some of us have even pulled off a week without anyone noticing, which requires a great amount of practice and skill to pull off. There are many different scenarios to why a man might wear the same underwear two days in a row, here are a few of them.

He’s late for work
Sometimes there’s just not enough time in the morning to do everything you need to, so you usually end up doing the most important one, and on a man’s list changing your underwear didn’t even make the top ten.

He was out partying
This is a pretty standard the night after a big party night, you wake up in the morning at a friends house with no change of clothes and go about the rest of the day with the same underwear on.

He hasn’t done laundry in weeks
No man likes to do laundry, it’s something we really wish our moms still did for us. So sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and wear the same underwear till you do the laundry, because your only other real option is to go comando!

He doesn’t want to jinx his team
I’m sure you’ve heard of the playoff beard and maybe some other crazy playoff superstitions, but did you know that some athletes don’t change their underwear for the entire playoffs…THAT’S MANLY!

He just doesn’t care
Finally the most common one is that a true manly man really just doesn’t care about their hygiene, we’ll wear the same underwear multiple days in a row, we actually think it’s stupid not to. The manly underwear test goes something like this “If you can smell it and it doesn’t make your eyes water than it’s good to go for another day!”

It’s not that men like to smell bad, it’s more that we’re just lazy and don’t really see the point to smelling good. There’s definitely some situations where we’ll try to make sure we don’t smell bad and there’s nothing wrong with that, we just don’t care to smell like roasted almonds or a field of blooming roses, that’s what seperates us from women.

EXPLOSIONS

When you first think of true manliness one of the first things that must come to mind is explosions. For some reason we are obsessed with explosions, anything that has to do with or resembles any sort of explosion is like candy to our eyes. For most of us this usually comes down to watching action movies, especially the epic ending scene where the main character narrowly escapes death by leaping away from the building at the last second as it erupts into flames. This is the holy grail of action movie scenes to a man!

Action movies are great to get your manly fix for the week, but nothing can beat a real face to face explosion. If it weren’t for these manly urges we wouldn’t have all those great firework failure videos on youtube, you know the ones with the guys that make homemade fireworks or the ones when they try to light off a record breaking amount of gun powder at once. It doesn’t matter how stupid these ideas are at the time all we’re thinking is fire + gunpowder = explosions and to any man this equation is more important than anything Sir Isaac Newton came up with.

Although these videos may fall under the category of stupidity they also fall under the category of curiosity. We have come a long way with science since the first sparks between two sticks in prehistoric times, but it’s safe to say that a true manly man’s mind is still on the same wavelength of discovery when it comes to explosions and surely will be for many years to come.

HONKING AT WOMEN

There’s really not much that goes through a man’s mind throughout the course of the day, I’d say it’s probably the bare minimum that has to in order to be a functional human being. We think about what we’re going to eat, what we’re going to drink, maybe a funny youtube video but probably the most obvious and most frequent is women. There’s a theory that men have a thought about women every seven seconds, that’s over 12000 thoughts about the opposite sex a day.

The only problem we have from turning these thoughts into realities is that we don’t know how to do it. You’d think after thousands of years we would have been able to master the art of seduction, we should be able to snap our fingers and instantly get women, but that’s not the manly way. Instead we choose to do things like whistle at women from buildings as they walk down the street and honk our car horn as we drive by… which in our minds isn’t that bad of an idea.

Honking at women has got to be even lower than any cheasy pick-up line in the book. It has a zero percent success rate and the worst part is that we know it. We know that there’s absolutely no chance of picking up this girl. We know that she’s not going to take down our license plate number and look it up or start chasing the car down the street, yet every true manly man has done it at one point in there life, it’s because we want women we just don’t know how to get them.

DON’T BE A VEGETARIAN

From the dawn of time men have been meat eaters. Even in the hunter-gatherer times of life we managed to eat meat one way or another. We would have to go out in groups with sticks we made that came to a sharp point and find our own food in the forests. On these hunting trips I’m sure we could have taken the easy way out by grabbing some berries and leafy greens but that’s when our true manliness kicked in.

I know you might be thinking that men are lazy by nature and why wouldn’t we settle for the easy way out, well it’s because “eating meat” comes much higher on the manly list then “being lazy”, therefore man will go to greater lengths to obtain it, even it involves getting of our asses! There’s a reason that we’re at the top of the food chain, we didn’t get there by sitting around on a couch and we didn’t get there by drinking beer every day, we earned our meat and as men we will never forget it!